The asshole doesn’t see that he is one — that is the true nature of being an asshole. Ultimately being one is truly just a manifestation of selfishness. If you don’t care how your actions affect the people around you, the people around you will see you as an asshole.

If the actions of everyone around you are pissing you off, you’re only thinking of yourself. When we start life, we can only think of our own needs. We’re not capable of doing otherwise. As we grow older, our ability to think of the needs of others grows. That’s why kids on the playground can be so brutal. Part of growing up is learning to see past our own needs.

Assholes are the people who never truly grow up.

Caring about how your actions affect the people around you does not make you a pansy, or weak. Sometimes you might know that what you need to do will have adverse effects on people. When that happens, the only way to avoid being an asshole is if you first consider the effects of your actions. At that point, depending on your considerations you may still be an asshole, but you might be a leader.

Therein lies the paradox. To not inadvertently be an asshole, you have to be self-aware enough to know that what you are doing is affecting others adversely. Assholes are insensitive and therefore detestable.

“The measure of a leader is not the number of people who serve him but the number of people he serves.”

– John C. Maxwell

Traditional leadership, as we think of it, is when you’re the boss. You command, and your minions listen. But the average serf doesn’t do great work. They have no reason to do great work. Why should they?

Commanding and expecting it will get done, threatening, pressuring, having no sense of the needs of the person you are asking from — all these are classic actions of an asshole.

The antithesis of being an asshole is being a leader.

A good leader knows that the buck stops with them; that they are ultimately responsible for what needs to get done. From raising the next round, to making sure the servers are running, to sweeping the floor — it is all up to them.

A good leader has to be aware of the state of the entire company. A good leader looks outward to see how they can serve better. Good leaders learn to look past themselves, past the people immediately around them, and to see as much of the big picture as they can.

An asshole stands in front of a subway door, oblivious to the people who can’t get on.

If you want to rise above being an asshole and become more of a leader, take time to think about the people around you, the people you interact with, and care a little bit. If you do this you’ll start to see people turning to you to get things done.